I can be such a jerk.

I can, apparently, go for long periods of time thinking that I’m not too bad of a guy. I’m generally polite to those I encounter. I smile a bit. Nod. Make small talk if cornered. I don’t usually commit social crimes. Don’t kick the cat. Don’t put obstacles in the path of the blind (that might be a metaphor to follow more later). I am even learning to keep most of my opinions to myself.

Not a particularly high bar. But I find that most of the actions necessary to retain a veneer of civility and prevent society from dipping into destructive chaos aren’t particularly challenging. Just a modicum of self-restraint actually. A simple realization that I truly am not the center of any universe — and acting accordingly.

Yet, as simple as it may be, and with all the advantage that I have been granted in accomplishing this simple task, sometimes I just fail miserably. Yesterday was one such occasion.

Not by way of justification, just to set the stage, there is a relatively new sales strategy for online services known as the subscription. Not just a subscription — that expires at the end of a specified, agreed upon time. Rather, an “auto-renewal subscription service” that, if you lose track of time, will accost you with an unexpected bank withdrawal. And, not only this but, since this is a renewal and not the original subscription, there is, according to policy that you have agreed to, no option for refund.

I have come to understand that I have a loathing for this approach. But back to my shortcoming.

In reviewing my bank account yesterday, I noticed a 180-ish dollar charge for a service that I didn’t recall using for a good while — and had thought that I had cancelled. I logged into the related account. Based on my account patterns, this account had been started over a year ago. I navigated the non-intuitive options for requesting a refund and cancelling the account. It was a very unsatisfying process.

Fortunately (and probably a poor choice of word), the response to my online button clicking was an email from a support person who politely explained that the renewal was not subject to refund.

I know that online support, when not an AI of some sort, is a poorly paid person just doing what they have to to get by, dealing with a cesspool of behavior usually only seen by teachers. In my weekly interactions with middle-schoolers, I routinely encourage them, contrary to their chemically addled instinct, not to act impetuously or impulsively because it causes more harm than good. And, in my own behavior, I give some all-too-feeble effort to representing God well.

Then there are moments like yesterday. I send a hasty email. Later, in a wallow of regret, show it to my wonderful, non-confrontational wife — who responds with a visible catch of her breath, a hushed ‘oh’, and no further comment. Yeah. I was a jerk.

I know this platform isn’t a confessional. Having only seen a confessional once from the outside while attending a wedding, I assume this is not one. But, if it helps anyone realize, in a misery loves company kind of way, that they are not the only one who has this often suppressed jerk-monster that breaks out at inopportune times (like there are opportune times for such foolishness), then, here is the body of the email I sent (recipient redacted out of guilty courtesy):

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Recipient,

I recall cancelling the subscription. But, even if I didn’t, the fact that your organization will not refund the error makes you, in my estimation, a thief. I will express this opinion as frequently and widely as possible.

Y’all have a great weekend.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The response to that email was that I got the refund. I am grateful. I got what I wanted. But at the price of being a jerk. Of feeding that side of me that I do not like. Not a good trade for $180. And they were likely within their rights to keep the money because, I am fairly sure, given the litigious nature of our society, the agreement I acknowledged did include this auto-renewal subscription information.

I am not going to name the company because, first, they provide a useful service. And, second, I wouldn’t want to incite others to use a similarly inconsiderate approach toward that company — particularly since the actual person receiving the brunt of the poor behavior is just another worker trying to make ends meet.

I will encourage anyone who has read this far, to check any subscriptions you might have and determine if you want to continue with auto-renewal. And, if not, put a reminder on your calendar so that you can cancel at the right time to prevent such an opportunity for yourself.

I have at least one other myself. The date of that expiration is on my calendar — with an alarm. And there is a sticky note on my desk to remind me — “Don’t be a jerk”.

Thanks for your endurance.